missed

I want to go skydiving
I want to start painting
I want to go camping... a lot
I want to help people
I want to write music again
I want to write poetry again
I want to start a coffee shop
I want to make an ambient music project
I want to disciple someone someday
I want to sleep in
I want to run for fun
I want to run away but come back and then do it again
I want to capture everything in a picture
I want to live in a tree
I want to go to europe
I want to go an entire year barefoot
I want to write a story
I want to have an adventure
I want to bungie jump
I want to find who I will spend the rest of my life with
I want to talk to God
I want to Hear God
I want to drink some coffee
I want to go on a canou trip
I want to have a small get away cabin
I want to be able to flirt with my wife
I want to discover something new
I want to stay out all night
I want to enjoy a beer with someone
I want to be interviewed
I want to live in a flat like in the movies with the big lift elevators
I want a nice motorcycle
I want someone to be able to guess what I am thinking
I want someone to want to do all of these things
I want a girl in a short skirt and a long jacket
I want a wife who is spontaneous
I want to record a CD

I want a lot of things... I hope that they happen... God willing that they happen... of course that's like saying I want God to revolve around me. and I know he revolves around himself and everyone. not just me.

I think it's insane how our minds work. we see everything from our own perspective. I kind of look at myself as David Spritz from "The Weatherman". Everything is happening around him that has to do with other people and yet all he can keep coming back to is himself. his mind is always on himself. he gives an eulogy at his fathers funeral and it gets interupted, and all he can think about is how he got interupted. I think that's me. It's hard for me to imagine anything outside my own bubble. and whenever I ask someone a personal question to see what they think, all I get is a confused "why?" it's as if I can't get anyone to tell me what's on their minds. but I guess that also is my problem. I don't tell anyone what's on mine. instead I put them on a blog that no one reads. i like it that way though. It feels an aweful lot like I am venting. or sharing something with someone. even though like I said, no one is reading this. of course now waying that the feeling of venting is now slightly diminished.

It's like I can't get out of my bubble. even on this hill in cincinnati, I am still above all the things going on below. I am still isolated. people down the street are getting beat, and murdered and I am isolated from it all. I think sometimes God creates people like me for the intent of satisfying a satirical sense of humor. I know it satisfies mine. I see everything from a satirical point of view, so I guess it works either way.

even so... I hope someone does read this.

... I need a shower.